God Is There

When your best poem is lost forever

And, your dreams feel like now or never

Is God there?

My God is there.

When your heart is closed and fully broken

When your love’s memory is just a token

Is God there

My God is there

When your Mom is gone when you really need her

And, your best friends are two furry creatures.

My God is there when the tears are pouring

When I want this life to end.

He is there when, after, and during.

He holds me in the palm of his hand

When I am unsure and doubting, He holds me again

When it seems like there’s no good reason

When despair lasts season after season

God is there

My God is there.

A Little Nitty Gritty Ditty

I’m dying

Inside

I ain’t lying

To hide

I see you coming for me

Mister Anxiety

Go fuck

Off

Turn your damn head

And cough

That’s right I got chesticles

And, I got you by the testicles

Got you in a vice grip

You try to move and I’ll rip, rip, rip

I break a chair over your back

To make up for all the things you think I lack

I repeat

Fuck you

Take a seat

While I use my voodoo

Concoction of pills

That thwart away your chilling ills

I won’t give up till I’ve won

I’m done.

Poet’s Note: I have intense anxiety attacks. I’ve had a horrible one building along with a migraine for 9 hours. I missed an important appointment that I have been waiting for since spring. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and had to write it out. It’s a little better now; Of course I’ve had two doses of meds now and kisses from my service dog and support dog who are curled up next to me on the couch which is some feat considering that they are both big ass dogs. Please, excuse the foul language, but, if you have ever had a major panic attack, you understand. If not, deal with it. I think this would be a good rap, so I’m giving it to the best rapper I’ve ever heard, my friend, Ian Gabriel to do with as he pleases. With all of that being said, there’s one last thing…I’m out. Mic drop…

My Forever Family

I look to the Heavens and what do I see?

The God of my Father’s smiling down upon me.

I look at my sister and what do I view?

A love so intense that, God, it reminds me of You.

I look at my doggies and what do I sense?

The protection of the Lord, my God of recompense.

I call my brother and what do I feel?

A fierce warrior that protects and You say “Peace, be still.”

I know my Mom is with me and what do I pose?

She is watching over me with you, Lord, the God who rose.

Any Given Saturday

I take a breath, and

you are there. A moment ago

it had been weeks, months, too long.

I breathe you in and my heart settles.

We eat pizza and you steal some of my ice cream. We have conversations with depth and life and frilly, silly girl talk.

It’s time to go back to towns we hate, places we despise the conditions of, folks we love.

I breathe you in.

I breathe you in.

I breathe you in.

Gone.

Dirty Rotten Downdrels

How does it feel down there

Underneath my stable square ?

What does the sun look like

when there are no windows for light?

Do you crawl around on your tummies?

Does the dirt floor taste yummy?

Is that why you steal my food

whenever you’re in the mood?

Thieving my diabetic supplies

was a step too far, that’s no lie!

Crawl back to your cave

Cos I’M NO ONES SLAVE!!!

Poet’s note: There are people living under the house I rent…vagrants. They’ve raped me. They steal my food. This time they went too far AGAIN and stole my diabetic testing supplies. I have no idea what my sugar is running. I’ve been crying for an hour. The police don’t believe me even though the rape kits showed I had a semen- like substance in my vaginal area. The police actually charged me with a class A misdemeanor stating that I had used there man power for no good reason and I knew I was lying. They included the SANE nurses, and EMS. I drove myself to the hospital. I didn’t enjoy having 30 pubic hairs ripped out of me. This whole thing is a crap storm and I am SICK OF IT!!!