I am not good at crying. I was never comfortable with it. Growing up, when I cried, I was either told to shut up and take it, to be quiet, that I looked funny doing it, or that it made me look ugly. For the last ten years, the ten years since Mom’s passing, I have rarely cried. Now, as I am my dying husband’s care giver, I cry often…not only for what I will lose, but for all that I have lost. My virginity at age five. My son at age fourteen. My hope at age 21. I cry for a father who helped so many and hurt so few. Those few being us, his own family. I cry for my perfectly imperfect mother…a woman who lived in and past fear. I cry for my brother who forced reality down so far that it had no choice but to come bursting up. I cry for my sister. I just cry for all she believes she has lost. I cry for my husband, my one great love, as I watch him try to stay Army strong and dignified. Illness has no dignity. I know as I have been sick most of my life. Death has dignity. Not the moments leading up to it but the passing itself. I held Granny’s hand as she stroked out, then stared into something that I could not see, smiled, and commented that now, after a lifetime of being a stalwart Christian, now she understood. As they say in the South, a Lady always knows when it’s time to leave. I realized while writing this truth that I am no Lady, but I am a woman…a perfectly flawed and naked to my soul, human. You may not like what I have written. You may be uncomfortable with it. But, I have been one acquainted with the world of untruths for far too long. Mulder had it wrong. The truth is not out there, rather it is in us. And, so is God.
“Tears are words that need to be written” -Paulo Coelho
Published
Susan Awakening 
Thank you, Susan for that. You have so much to give, though you’ve already given so much. I hope you also let yourself receive too – isn’t that the hardest? xx
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https://dawnfanshawe.wordpress.com/2020/09/24/the-sunshine-blogger-award/
I nominate you because you inspire me, sunshine!
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Love this: Mulder had it wrong. The truth is not out there, rather it is in us. And, so is God. So true. A brilliant way to look at life.
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Thank you so much!!!💕 I truly appreciate your kind words.
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Oh, you have so many struggles dear one. Your voice is so beautiful and I see and hear you. That last paragraph made me a bit breathless! Love to you.
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Oh, wow! Thanks!!
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Powerful words you leave here for us to contemplate. Me? I cry all the time. I think there’s something not right with people who can’t or won’t cry. Thanks for sharing this incredible piece. 🌟
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Oh my goodness! Thank you so much! I have never gotten a review like that. I appreciate your kindness. 😊
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You’re kidding, right? Well, I’m not being kind; it’s the truth! I call ’em as I see ’em and you are an excellent writer! I enjoyed this tremendously and look forward to much more. 🌟 🌹 🐘
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Thank you very much.💗💕🌸
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